How to Make Decisions

Welcome not another lovely Saturday evening. This is crunch time for decisions. Whether you’re looking for summer fun, accepting school offers for the Fall, or wondering what’s for dinner, you have a decision to make. Here’s my 6 Steps to Making THAT Decision!

1. Realism

Before you rush into making up your mind, you must have the appropriate mindset. I’m all for being realistic because being honest with yourself is the greatest form of kindest to you. Depending on the crossroad you’re at, you may have to challenge yourself to remain objective in this step.

We’ll use this blog post as our themed example. One of my Gap Year goals was to become a more influential writer. Because of that goal, i made a decision to use my website to create journal entries each week about my life and thoughts and art. Today was tough because I didn’t know what to write about.

In being realistic with myself, I know a couple of things: I’m on a personal timeline so there’s no rush. I shouldn’t force myself to create art without a need to communicate an idea. My readers are open to almost any topic (but really love life and romance advice). I am encouraged by myself and our community to be HONEST and unapologetic about that.

2. Priorities

After writing or thinking about the details of the situation, revisit why you’re in this space (physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually). What are you going through? What is your goal? Is this decision worth your time or energy? Think about what commands your attention.

As previously mentioned, I took this Gap Year for the purpose of knowing myself and developing myself personally. One thing I wanted to improve was my writing skills. With that being my goal then this promise I made to myself is important and low risk. I have time today to think and write. I have an open mind today to be present in this writing process. I can afford to give my thoughts.

3. Outcome

Now that we are honest with the situation and it’s important enough to be a proity, let’s look at those consequences. Consequences aren’t always negative. What may happen after you make a decision in which ever direction? What can you look forward to?

If I write today, I will smile and be happy that so far I’ve only slipped up 3 times on my promise to write once a week (most of those, I just lost track of the days of the week, tbh). If I write today, I have an opportunity to inspire or assure someone of their next step. If I don’t write today, I will wonder why I didn’t and will have 4 weeks of no blog posts. If I don’t write today, I might loose the opportunity to help another human or my personal goal.

4. Urgency

Now that we can visualize these consequences, let’s review how important this decision is. Must it be done this hour, this day, this week, or this month? Are the negative consequences so bad that is better to get this decision off your plate?

There is a but of urgency in that I’ve promised to make an evening post every Saturday. However, again, if it didn’t happen the negative consequences aren’t life or death. So I know that I only have a few hours to write about something.

5. Intuition

The most important thing to do is follow your gut. Some people call it your heart or the ancestors, but just know that our bodies are intuned with the universe. The universe is a part of you and you are a part of the universe. However there’s been so much sound placed in between humans and the earth that it’s hard to hear the universe. However with huge decisions or things that are important to you, I believe the universe starts screaming its answer! So listen stupid, well not stupid… silly!

The universe told me that I was being a hard headed lazy bum. The fact that I couldn’t decide on what to write was an inspiration to help other figure or what to write, do, or say. And I felt that it was a great topic because is relatable, useful, and interesting. It’s simple, yet complex, and a lot of fun to think about. How do humans make decisions?

6. Intention

Your final step is to consider your purpose. What will this action or decision really do? What will it mean? Are you going to make a decision out of fear or with the intention to make something happen (or not happen)? Are you hiding something?

My intention here is to publish my thoughts and free myself. My intention is to be bigger than myself. My writing is firstly for me and secondly to anyone who could use it for better. I am making a decision to write for these reasons. I am making a decision to make a decision because of these reasons. It will mean that I kept a promise to myself.

Have I missed anything? Leave comments or questions below!


Cayla J.


Getting Rid of Toxic People

Welcome to our final post of the love month! This post is going to cover one of the many ways you need to love yourself. It’s been two months since those crazy #newyearnewme resolutions and one group that we know should have been left in 2017 is “Toxic People.” Below, you’ll find my description of Toxic People and 3 Reasons you should add them to your new 2018 goal!


1. The World Revolves Around Me.

Not only are these individuals self-centered they are extremely self conscious. A Toxic Person will be quick to assess the environment or situation and consider how it benefits them. In everything they do, they are subconsciously or consciously making a decision to elevate themselves in some way, shape, or form above everyone else. These situations can rarely be considered fair or honorable. We are talking about the people who egg on drama or chaos at house parties, because a select few people may seem to be having too much fun. Or the people in those Lifetime Movie Network Films who say, “If I can’t have you, no one can!”

Toxic people are the definition of drama and are slick manipulators. These are the people who you could trust with your life and love so intensely that you do not notice how much you’ve changed or separated yourself from joy. In the same light, Toxic People are skilled in changing your attitudes about and view on your life. This is frightening mainly because they do not care for your well being (mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually). As previously mentioned, they will always put themselves first and revel in your digression. Here’s why!

2. I’m Insecure, but I’m Having Trouble Processing It.

Toxic People are negative, non-authentic, and charismatic while projecting their insecurities on you. Toxic People are often pessimistic about their situation and hope to place you in a similar world of unfortunate events. Basically, the goal is to not be around people who will try to steal your shine. You should have a community which uplifts you and encourages you to do better.

Toxic People will also bend truths and change significantly according to those surrounding them.The trait that helps them in their toxicity the most is their charisma. It is hard to tell sometimes when you are dealing with a Toxic Person because they seem trustworthy, well intentioned, and loving, when in fact they have another motives. These individuals make you think they are in you’re corner and that they understand you best. These individuals will make you believe that you are crazy, inadequate, and unloved by others. Here are 5 give aways for a Toxic Person!

3. My Red Flags Aren’t Actually Red.

Number One: Bring You Down. Toxic People truly know how to kill your vibe. You ever get yourself all dolled up and ready for an outing and someone comes in to critique every piece of your outfit? You ever get ready to go on the field and dominate, just when a friend comes up to point out the wind, your form, etc.? You ever get all excited about a crush and, instead of asking more questions, someone gives you all the reasons you should set your bar higher…or you don’t deserve a bar at all? Watch out for people who won’t just let you be great and have little comments which bring up doubt constantly within you.

Number Two: Pity Party = Me Out. Toxic People love to talk about miserable situations and horrible people; however, there’s never a call to action or an obvious confrontation to inspire change. They just love to sit in agony. This goes back to the pessimistic view of the world. To your Toxic Friend, everything is stupid and waning…nothing is good. Well, unless it’s them, which leads to number 3.

Number Three: Over Confident. We’re not talking about healthy self-esteem. We are talking about those people who are very loud, confrontational, or intentional about expressing how perfect they are. They overcompensate when they don’t even have to. They talk too much and too loudly. They rest on the extremes of any spectrum. They want to be front and center or in a leadership position (unless they think that’s stuff). They are full of themselves.

Number Four: Not Is Their Favorite Word. These individuals say can’t, won’t, don’t, and not. Earlier when I said they were negative…they don’t know what it means to be positive. They will use negative words toward other people as well, in order to deflate others’ confidence. You ever have a ready good idea and within one sentence your dreams are crushed? You ever try to be spontaneous and they make too much sense (This one was just for fun. Don’t die y’all! But I mean, YOLO.)? You must be careful of those who crush your spirit.

Number Five: Isolation. The biggest red flag is if you have not seen your best friends or family members in a while. You will think that it is because they have changed, but you are the common denominator and your catalyst is that Toxic Person in your life. Because of their charm and need for control, Toxic People will finds to separate from a world of positivity and balance.

Need more reasons to stay away from Toxic People?

  1. You can set an example for others around you about healthy relationships. Hopefully by being more aware of who Toxic People are, we can decrease the likelihood that more people will be victimized. I think that once Toxic People realize that they have little to no power over you they will choose a new tactic. Maybe this will allow others to intervene and get them the help they need.
  2. Drama free means more time for me. The less drama and unnecessary negative energy you have in your life, the better. You can focus on the things that actually matter and make a difference in our world, rather than being caught in hypotheticals or hersay stuff. Also, when things are in order, you can set aside more time for personal development, pleasure, and relaxation.
  3. Most importantly, it is great for your holistic health! Y’all do not understand how amazing it feels to finally rid your life of Toxic People. It is an unspoken weight lifted off of your shoulders. You breathe better, remember to smile, talk to more people, and just think about how great life is. Again, the toxity is so subtle and appears to be coming from a place of love, but once stripped away YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

In short, identify the Toxic People in your life and create a plan of action to remove them from your everyday life (regardless if they are flesh and blood). If they are impeding on your happiness, health, and peace of mind…your minutes on this Earth could be spent more different. So make your conscious choice.


Cayla Jae