We’re in the middle of the fall from New Year’s Resolutions to meeting our image in the mirror. While it may not always look pretty, you have the option to change the lenses. I say this because the image that appears in the mirror is not always the real you.
Tension welcomes us into the new year as we try to reroute our lived experiences. We announce to the world how horrible or magnificent last year was and how tomorrow our dreams will come true. However, this transformation requires some decision-plan-action which isn’t fun.
1. Most times making a commitment to change is difficult.
We’re all out here making moves with or without intentional direction. For some, deciding on the new labor position, relationship status, or meal is simple. They have found their passion, their person, or their rhythm (or at least they’re faking it pretty well). The rest of us are hesitant, uncertain, and not confident in the next move. We have done enough trail and error to write a page turning memoir, but things…just…haven’t felt right.
Many of us are waiting on that moment in which we know for sure that we have made it to the right place, at the right time, with the right group. Unfortunately, we may not get the message in the most obvious, cinematic way. Still, I believe that we all know when something is right. Whether it be a gut feeling, a conversation with god, or the energy surrounding us.
We spend a good amount of time taking everyone else’s moments into account that we forget to take stock of what we have within ourselves. It is easy to right a list of what you don’t have or look like, but the true challenge is to assess what birth-2018 gave you and what you wish to keep in 2019. Some time ago, I wrote a piece about how to plan your life and how you can set yourself a part from the group; yet, I do not remember covering how one knows which pieces to keep.
2. It never fails to go back to the start.
I think that you are in fact an expert on yourself, your moment, and your next step, but you don’t allow yourself to hear the message. I am completely guilty of this. I have made decisions without a complete thought to rationalize the move. I questioned myself in the moment, a year later, and now years later looking over my CV. While I did not understand how cleaning glass windows and doors for a daycare center at 7:30 am related to my summer as a pharmaceutical drug representative, I see the skills and tools that I used during and developed after those experiences.
My internal voice is a free spirit and she is warm and unconventional and (surprisingly) emotional, but I guess that’s why I’m an artist. My internal voice loves to travel, because you see new colors, hear new voices, and experience new stories. My internal voice cares about people, so much that it hurts and she never feels that we have done all the work. My internal voice is a creator and communicator who strives for excellence that is beautiful. Isn’t that a beautiful sentence?
My start is my internal voice. Some people refer to this as you during your childhood or you at your most blissful moment. In my youth, I sang with a boar hair brush on my fireplace. In my youth, I babysat my brother, cousins, and other children and taught them lessons. In my youth, I painted silhouettes of moments, drew powerful women of color, and wrote extraordinary stories from the ordinary life. My past experiences, labor positions, and side hobbies have taught me how to stick to a plan and budget, how you can make a difference in a child’s life without money, and how you can always find commonalities in the lived human experience.
3. You can’t hear your internal voice, because there is too much external noise.
Again, in communication studies, noise represents anything which may interfere with a message delivery. This may be loud construction, dropped calls, or the fact that you skipped breakfast and lunch. We are often seeking help from others which is valuable to our development. Sometimes it just takes that one person to say a certain message at the right time for something to click (which is how most of my blog posts start…if we’re being honest). Your celebrity or financial status doesn’t devalue your experiences nor the advice you could give to someone (…unless they are wanting to become famous or make money moves). Many of us live “ordinary” lives that are extraordinary in just their existence.
When you reach out to people for help or advice, be clear on what you hope to gain from that person. If it is wanting more information on a field or life advice from a specific background, don’t be shy about that. You are the main creator and lead actor of your own life and you have to own it. Find people who have the background to help you become better in the areas that you genuinely want to become better in (not your family, friends, or followers). Find people who will be honest with you and who you feel comfortable opening up to. Find people who you can connect with and build sincere friendships with that are two way streets.
When these people give you advice, filter the comments, options, and answers by your internal voice. Sometimes we gain surprising discoveries through these conversations and it may be your job to determine what is useful for you. Don’t be apologetic about your wants and needs.
4. Filtering advice requires you to have a serious conversation with yourself first.
One of the hardest conversations we can have sometimes is with ourselves. Some people will think that this makes you seem bonkers, but I think it makes you seem healthy. Having a conversation with yourself can appear in many ways; however, the goal is to understand what you want, what makes you happy, what you are comfortable with, or what you can not live without. It means spending time alone not scrolling through feeds or encouraging noise while trying to hear your internal voice. It means giving yourself some space which some people may call me time.
During this time, I ask myself questions most of which I do not have answers to. Though frustrating, it is still helpful because I can intentional attempt to find answers those questions. I write down what’s going on in my mind and what I want. When certain opportunities arise, I take advantage of them and keep my eyes open for the click.
In addition to talking with yourself, making decisions and plans, and taking action toward your goal, you have to raise your awareness bar. There is no way to completely avoid noise (unless you’re living off the grid maybe). For this reason, it helps to remind yourself to stay alert for the right opportunities at the right time. I think it is a feeling that you found what you were looking for. For me recently, it was finding a dissertation paper from 2001 and spending my winter break meeting up with women in the area for advice. If you ask yourself the right questions and give yourself honest answers, you’ll be more focused and aware of the next step. If you do your part in the equation, the universe will do the rest. It’s a process that takes time.
5. Your next challenge is to chose where to start.
We discussed how difficult it is to make a decision, what it means to hear your internal voice, how to avoid noise, and talk with yourself first. Now you are tasked to figure out which route works best for you. You can continue on your endless Google search, check out the past blog posts embedded in this piece, or go through a little visual exercise.
Life is like a huge puzzle piece and I am not sure that we’ll ever actually see the end construction. However, the people, places, and things that surround us can be pieces leading you to that final image. In art, most of the time, we’re not exactly sure what the end product will look like. We have an idea. We do some research and sketches. We experiment with supplies and then create. But we also allow the painting or work to be a co-author. So I think if you start with a general idea or feeling you want in the bigger pictures, looking down at all the tiny pieces might be enjoyable and exciting. You just have to select the tiny pieces that lead you to that bigger picture or at least give you a reason to smile.
Every year is your year, so are the months, weeks, days, hours, and minutes. Our calendars may have changed but we have not, that is until you decide that you genuinely want to make that decision-plan-action. Just don’t forget to watch when all the pieces fall into place.